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as seen on phillyBurbs.com

Monday, Oct. 5, 2004

Temple should zap its football team
The embarrassment this team brings alumni and fellow students every time it takes the field is as tangible as any electric shock. We're a national joke, an unfunny punch-drunk line when ESPN bothers to reports our game scores, which are usually lopsided blowouts in favor of our opponents.

Monday, Sept. 27, 2004

Excising Junior
There's more to life than a knife in the head.

Monday, Sept. 20, 2004

Puck U.
Financial cheap shot the real lesson of NHL lockout.

Monday, Aug. 23, 2004

Stupidity reigns
Dumbfounded by motorcycle mayhem and tax breaks.

Monday, Aug. 16, 2004

Ethically challenged
Outted Gov. McGreevey should be forced out of office.

Monday, Aug. 9, 2004

Hope springs eternal
The Eagles hype has already begun.

Monday, Aug. 2, 2004

Told you so
Fire Larry Bowa? You heard it here first.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Two-arm bandits
Slots more still to be angry about.

Monday, July 5, 2004

House wins, we lose
Slots to be angry about in Legislature's weekend gambling approval.

Monday, May 31, 2004

Surrender (your youth)
TV ad songs sell it back to you.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Icarus falls in Philly
It's time for Clarkie to go.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Wi-Fi-ght it? The future is here.

Monday, May 3, 2004

Horse sense
Four cheers for Smarty Jones. One for each hoof.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Should Larry Bowa get the boot?

Monday, April 19, 2004

Function: noun Etymology: French détritus 1. loose material resulting from disintegration 2. a product of disintegration, destruction, or wearing away

Monday, April 12, 2004

Hair today, gone tomorrow?
It's a guy thing.

Monday, April 5, 2004

News cooks with gas
Movies, dead dinosaurs and strange bed fellows.

Monday, March 29, 2004

Intelligence test
How stupid am I?

Monday, March 22, 2004

So long, old friend
A vet of the Vet bids farewell.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Open mouth, insert fist
Dissing the honorable dishonors hockey.

Monday, March 8, 2004

Let 'em fight
A former NHL bully longs to bring back glory days.

Monday, March 1, 2004

"Hi sweetheart," my grandmother said to me, as if nothing was really wrong.

Monday, Feb. 23, 2004

Winners and losers
Know when to hold 'em, fold 'em and laugh.

Monday, Feb. 16, 2004

More leftovers
Dead have more say in Pa. than the living

Monday, Feb. 9, 2004

Reading the news wires and my e-mail gives me an eerie deja vu feeling these days.

Monday, Feb. 2, 2004

Soul survivor
Are you ready for some indoor football?

Monday, Jan. 26, 2004

Here's to football
Bless my Soul, Philly has a new team to root for.

Monday, Jan. 19, 2004

Broken wings, broken dreams
My heart may never heal from this.

Monday, Jan. 12, 2004

Monster column
I'm no mechanic, but I watch some on TV.

Monday, Dec. 22, 2003

Pa. bets the ranch
... and loses it to the Indians!

Monday, Dec. 8, 2003

The sky is falling
Bring in the snow, reign in the hype.

Monday, Dec. 1, 2003

Friendless in Pa.
Suggestions for a new state slogan.

Monday, Nov. 24, 2003

We're No. 1
The Eagles, Flyers and Sixers are at the top. It can't last.

Monday, Nov. 17, 2003

'Playmakers' the thing
But whose conscience is it catching?

Monday, Nov. 10, 2003

Rip 'em a new one
An inexpensive DVD ripper can save you money, not time.

Monday, Nov. 3, 2003

Don't write me in
If elected, I will not serve - your interests.

Monday, Oct. 27, 2003

Enter the Matrix
Computers never forget your misdeeds and politicians will be able to dig up dirt on you with a new system.

Monday, Oct. 13, 2003

Bad kitties
Roaming lions, mauling tigers and killer bears, oh my.

Monday, Oct. 6, 2003

Fumbled summer
Eagles dismantled defense, rather than fix offense.

Monday, Sept. 22, 2003

Fair weather
No one had to tell me a hurricane was on its way. All I had to do was look at a calendar.

Monday, Sept. 15, 2003

Second-rate sports TV
Shoot the messengers, please.

Monday, Sept. 8, 2003

Wrong message sent
Sign my online petition or else...

Monday, Sept. 1, 2003

Labor Day rant
An open letter from your company's top management.

Monday, Aug. 25, 2003

Does not compute
Why did Pa. lawmakers kill 'Tax-Free PC' week?

Monday, Aug. 18, 2003

Leave me alone
How to stop junk mail, telemarketers and spam.

Monday, Aug. 11, 2003

Philly sports heroes
Help a poor hoagie- and pretzel-eater pick the first inductees for the city's sports hall of fame.

Monday, Aug. 4, 2003

Stop or I'll sue
Here's why the record industry is now more powerful than police.

Monday, July 28, 2003

Fleeting summer
Lazy, hazy dog days of summer now go by in dog years.

Monday, July 21, 2003

A bad bet
If he who is without sin gets to cast the first stone, I'll be in the back of the line with a pebble.

Monday, July 7, 2003

Public spanking
How to avoid the worst doctors and lawyers in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

Monday, June 30, 2003

Click it or ticket?
Pa. drivers need tougher laws, not slogans.

Monday, June 23, 2003

Legislating stupidity
Pa. leaders deserve an award for trying to prove Darwin right.

Monday, June 16, 2003

Druce is loose
Get out of the street and stay off the sidewalk. Former state Rep. Tom Druce hasn't finished his mandatory minimum sentence for running over a guy in his taxpayer-provided Jeep, but he's back on the road.

Monday, June 9, 2003

Rain pain
Rainy weekends and sunny Mondays get me down.

Monday, June 2, 2003

Web of deceit
Lying, tall tales and big bears, oh my.

Monday, May 26, 2003

More duct tales
I was only kidding back on Feb. 16 when I wrote that duct tape was the perfect tool for babysitting. Some Bucks County parents actually did it.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Fast Eddie wants my wallet
Gov. Rendell's tax relief plan gives homeowners a break at the expense of renters.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Will compute for food
Computer + Problems = Home cooking

Monday, May 5, 2003

Do or die
An entire season of pain, of joy, of change hinges on tonight's Flyers game.

Monday, April 28, 2003

Overtime, over tired
A three-period hockey game goes into five overtimes. Looks like I'm going to have another hockey hangover.

Monday, April 21, 2003

Make Hay, Not War
Crazy sports fans and media hype. Gotta love it!

Monday, April 14, 2003

Lessons from the war
10 things I learned from watching Iraq War II on TV.

Monday, April 7, 2003

Women in combat
Women are fighting, dying and being captured in this war. Denying them frontline experience and the possibility of promotion is wrong.

Monday, March 31, 2003

Where did the Flyers' passion go?
At $85 a ticket, fans deserve more than a half-hearted effort from the team.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Disservice to the service and us
We cheer the made-for-TV production called "Shock and awe," forgetting the all-too-human consequence.

Monday, March 17, 2003

Tug at my heart
Ya gotta believe the 58-year-old world champ will pull through.

Monday, March 10, 2003

I rant, I rave, Iraq
The U.S. is torturing and killing terrorists. Who's next?

Monday, March 3, 2003

Philly fan's lament
Why doesn't Schmidty love back the city that loves him?

Monday, Feb. 24, 2003

Bogarting the furniture
Like vampires want blood, dead celebrities now want your money.

Monday, Feb. 17, 2003

Ducting the issues
Who's running our homeland defense these days, Red Green?

Monday, Feb. 10, 2003

Death to Xupiter
My Web browser has been hijacked and the terrorists are coders in Hungary. This means war.

Monday, Feb. 3, 2003

Chinese proverb or are we cursed?
Robert Kennedy, not JFK, said it best when it comes to times like these.

Monday, Jan. 27, 2003

Discontented with winter
The thought of at least six more weeks of snow and cold is enough to make me hide under the covers like a hibernating bear.

Monday, Jan. 20, 2003

Eagles redux
The bird-baiting and arm-chair quarterbacking is about to commence. It's as much a tradition around here as jumping on the bandwagon when a pro sports team is on a roll.

Monday, Jan. 13, 2003

Bucks should put tax records on the Web
While Philadelphians can research their property tax appeals online for free, Bucks County residents either have to pay for access or schlep to the courthouse twice.

Monday, Jan. 6, 2003

Bird brain
An Eagles fan's playoff primer.

Monday, Dec. 30, 2002

Facing the future, the mirror and my clone
I'm sliding into my 35th birthday on New Year's Eve like Charlie Hustle diving for third base - head-first. Now, I have to thank 40 people for their gift.

Monday, Dec. 23, 2002

Barney-gate: Film at 11 or whenever you want
White House staffers recently took a paid break from fighting the wars on Terror, Iraq, drugs, and corporate corruption to follow Barney - the Bush family's spastic little Scottish terrier - around with a video camera. For this, we pay taxes?

Monday, Dec. 16, 2002

Random thoughts from a random mind
How to watch the Eagles game and still get your work done.

Monday, Dec. 9, 2002

Peculiarly Philly
Here are a few of the things in my brain that can only be attributed to growing up here in the '70s and '80s.